I Can't
by HelloIsItMeYoureLookin4
Summary: Clarke and Lexa encounter a vicious gorilla named "Pauna," in which Lexa becomes injured as the two try to outrun the beast. Clarke instantly becomes worried about Lexa and takes her to Polis in search of help, which leads to a series of events where both girls discover their true feelings for each other.
1. Ch 1: Love is War

**I Can't**

By: Helloisitmeyourelookin4

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Disclaimer: I have never written a fan fic. I don't really know the format xD I just felt like writing. Feedback would be great, please. All credit goes to _The100_ TV show, the brilliant writers/creative team, and of course the actors.

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 **WARNING: While this story is 90% plot, it does contain eventual smut. Read at your own risk.**

 _NOTE: This is an extreme adaptation/continuation of S2E10 "Survival of the Fittest" (I own nothing). Original Episode description: "Clarke and Lexa discover a new enemy, Bellamy and Lincoln work together to break into Mount Weather and Indra makes Octavia an appealing offer." This story focuses only on Clarke and Lexa's relationship, and the physical/emotional attraction between the two of them._

 _Summary: Clarke and Lexa encounter a vicious gorilla named "Pauna," in which Lexa becomes injured as the two try to outrun the beast. Clarke instantly becomes worried about Lexa and takes her to Polis in search of help, which leads to a series of events where both girls discover their true feelings for each other._

 _ **Ch. 1: Love is War**_

Clarke knew it was going to be a long day when she saw Lexa annoyingly leaning up against the table. Clarke had been around her long enough to know that that stance meant she was ready to get in a long verbal argument with someone. It was usually herself, so she was proud that this time she was on the right side of the rectangular table. Lexa's side.

"We don't have time to sit around and argue about what our plan of attack is going to be. Someone, please, for once in your sorry lives pitch in something useful," Lexa said with rage in her voice.

"We wouldn't have to argue if we just went with my plan!" The grounder across the table that had been constantly pitching his idea had finally lost his cool and raised his voice.

"Listen. Bellamy will be able to make it into Mount Weather. I'm sure of it." Clarke spoke up for her long time friend. He never let her down before; there's no way he would do it now. Not when they were on the brink of war.

Lexa stood back and jealously watched the blonde (which she would never admit out loud) vouch for someone she didn't completely trust. But if Clarke trusted him, she trusted him.

"Do you think he can shut down their acid fog within one day?" Lexa stared at Clarke and then darted her eyes back at the map laying flat on the table.

"It's possible." Clarke was happy that Lexa was considering her idea. It made her feel special, in a way.

"We can't make decisions on 'possibilities!' Heda, I beg you, stop listening to this untrustworthy Skaikru girl and listen to one of your own! We need to strike now!"

Clarke was tired of his whining. She moved over to his side of the table and stood right in front of him. She lowered her voice. "If we do, then Mount Weather will kill us all before we can even get to the top. That's why it's crucial that Bellamy gets inside to shut off their defenses. We don't need any more lives lost."

"I'm sure we can spare one more…" He stood up and placed his hand on his knife.

" _Quint! Shot op!"_ Lexa shouted her command and two of the guards next to her instantly pointed their spears at the infuriated grounder.

"She does not belong here!"

"Clarke has just as much of a right to help with this war as much as you do. If not more. She plays a key factor in this decision and if you don't agree then maybe you need to reconsider which side you are really fighting for…We are sticking with Clarke's plan." Lexa stared down the grounder with her teeth clenched.

"Heda! If you would let the mind of an outsider cloud your judgement, then maybe you aren't fit to be Commander at all… _Anya would not approve._ "

She froze.

Clarke could see the anger build up in Lexa's eyes.

Then, all of a sudden, Lexa shouted out a war cry, spun around and kicked the warrior in the face. When he fell to the ground, she picked him up by his collar and held a knife to his throat.

"You say one more thing about my rule, and I will slit your throat and watch you bleed to death."

"Now get. Out." Lexa scolded the man through her teeth and watched every move he made, making sure that he didn't try and lunge at Clarke.

On his way out, Quint stopped, turned to Clarke and whispered softly, "Remember that you won't always have your Commander there to protect you…"

" _Osir laik odon talking. Bants me._ Except you, Clarke."

Clarke watched as the rest of the council left the tent. She thought Lexa was going to yell at her for arguing with the warrior.

"Don't mind Quint. He's always been angry… of course, you killing his brother in the drop ship incident didn't help ease his temper…" Lexa slowly started putting her black gloves back on.

"That's why he hates me!? I hope he knows that I did what was best for my people. He would've done the same."

"He would have. But that won't stop him from trying to hurt you. Which is why, I am going to need you to stay near me for a while until he cools down a bit. Understand?" She had now moved on to gathering some arrows and placing them in a quiver.

Clarke was curious as to why Lexa always seemed busy. It was like she had to keep moving to keep her mind off of something.

"Um… Okay, I guess."

"That wasn't a question. It was an order. Here."

Lexa handed her a bow.

"What's this for?"

"If I'm stuck protecting you, I might as well teach you how to shoot properly."

Clarke thought she was joking but by the looks of her stoic face, she could tell she was very serious. She was going to say 'no,' but she could see she was in no position to decline. Instead, she just rolled her eyes and followed Lexa out of the tent and into the woods.


	2. Ch 2: Listen to Me

_**Ch. 2: Listen to Me**_

 _Crunch._

"We're not even five seconds in, and you've already given away our position."

Lexa motioned down towards the twig that Clarke had just stepped on.

"I didn't even know we were starting."

"There is nothing to start. We should _always_ be ready at any given moment."

"You know how cliche that sounds, right?" Clarke said, with a droll in her voice.

"First rule: A good warrior knows their surroundings… but a _great_ warrior listens to it. Watch."

Lexa crept low to the floor. Clarke hesitantly did the same. The brunette's eyes scanned the trees and bushes around them.

"Lexa what are you-."

"Shh."

Clarke looked at her with resentment but followed her orders. They waited for about twenty seconds, when a light flutter was heard in the trees above. Lexa slowly pulled back her bow to her chin, aimed at a bird, and quietly sucked in a breath of air. Clarke watched how focused she seemed. She could tell she felt unstoppable. She had always admired how determined Lexa could be once she set her mind to it. She also admired her dark, blue eyes and how they glistened when she was about to get what she wanted.

 _Snap._

Clarke's train of thought was derailed once Lexa let go of the string and watched the arrow fly straight into the bird. It fell to the ground, and Lexa looked at Clarke with a cocky smile. This was the first time in a while since she had seen The Commander smile.

"See. You have to _Listen._ "

"Great. Lovely. Now, can you _listen_ to me and we can go back to camp?"

"No. Follow."

"Ugh."

"Oh, good. You're picking up lesson twenty-seven. Imitating animal noises." Lexa laughed underneath her breath.

Clarke rolled her eyes once more but smiled at Lexa's cute joke. She followed her to the edge of a small river. It was beautiful. The sound of the flowing water made Clarke feel relaxed. As much as she hated to admit it, she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She liked not having to worry about her life for at least ten minutes. Not only because no one was trying to attack her, but also because Lexa was there, and Lexa made her feel safe.

"This will do," said the brunette, as she withdrew an arrow and motioned for Clarke to give her her bow.

"Now, you want to make sure that before you shoot, your-."

"I know how to shoot a bow, Lexa." Clarke said, with a condescending tone in her voice.

Lexa lowered her bow and stopped her demonstration. She gave Clarke a blank stare and then smiled.

"Fine." She walked up to Clarke and stood right in front of her face.

"Show me, _skai gona._ " The blonde looked her straight in the eye and started to melt when Lexa talked to her in Trigedasleng. She eventually pulled herself together, only to realize that she had really only shot a bow once before in her entire life.

"Okay… I will."

 _Just breathe, Clarke. You can do this. Don't look stupid in front of her. Okay, just… put on the arrow, raise the bow, pull back the string and-._

Clarke tried to pull back the string, but found it rather difficult. She looked out of the corner of her eye only to find Lexa silently snickering.

 _Pft. Who does she think she is? I'd like to see her shoot a gun… Whatever. Come on, Clarke. Use all the force you have in you._

After about a minute of struggle, Clarke was able to pull the string all the way back. She raised an eyebrow at Lexa to flaunt her success.

"Congratulations. You can pull a piece of string. Now, see if you can hit that tree." Lexa raised an eyebrow back, and pointed at a small tree about ten feet away.

With the string still pulled back, Clarke aimed at the tree and tried to mimic Lexa's movements from before. She focused all of her attention on the sapling, sucked in a breath of air, and then released.

She waited to hear the snap of the arrow once it hit, but instead she heard the sound of Lexa clapping.

"Wow… I feel bad for that rock you just hit… three feet in front of you." Lexa broke her serious bravado for only a second and giggled.

"Ugh. Shut up."

Lexa could tell that Clarke genuinely felt defeated. She stared at the blonde standing there, with her arms hanging by her sides and head tilted down at the floor. She sighed.

"You're not _listening._ "

"What the hell am I supposed to listen to? It's a tree."

"Not the tree, but the wind. Listen to when it's starting… Here."

Lexa moved over to where Clarke was standing, and stood behind her. Clarke obviously looked confused, but went along with it.

"First thing's first, you're standing all wrong. Move your legs into an 'L' shape."

Lexa moved the other girl's legs into the correct position, stood back up, and then placed her hand on her hips. She was so close that she could hear each breath she took. She felt awkward, but eventually… for some reason…felt relaxed and became hypnotized by the rising and the falling of the blonde's chest. She pulled Clarke's suede jacket tighter and used her other hand to help her aim.

She whispered into her ear. "Now, pull back the string…and listen…"

Clarke slowly turned her head to look at Lexa. She looked down at her lips and then quickly moved back up to her eyes. Right now, Lexa was like a magnet. A force that pulled her into her grasp and wouldn't let her escape. She let out a light gasp after seeing Lexa's glistening eyes staring back at her. Clarke's eyes felt heavy. All she wanted to do was lean forward and shut her eyes.

 _Clarke, you are so stupid. You should be focusing on the tree, not Lexa. I'll admit, though… I would much rather look at Lexa's gorgeous eyes instead of that stupid tree any day…_

The ironic thing for Clarke, was that the tree and Lexa were very similar. They both gave her life. Lexa felt the same. To her, Clarke was this strange being that she had to investigate. A figure that she needed to understand inside and out.

 _Lexa… what are you doing. You're supposed to teach her, not fall in love with her. Remember what happened to Costia? Exactly. So don't let your heart get broken again by-… What… she's… she's leaning towards me… what do I do… I want to give in… so badly… I want her… I…_

 _ **Swoosh.**_

Before the two could seal the deal, a rush of air came flying by.

"Shhh. See… wait until it's done." Lexa said, with her eyes still closed, inches away from Clarke's face.

Clarke brought herself back to reality and lightly shook her head. "Oh… I… I hear it."

Within five seconds, the wind stopped and Lexa focused on the tree.

"Now… release." She pressed her cheek up against Clarke's and helped her find her line of sight.

The blonde unraveled her fingers and let the arrow fly.

 **It hit.**

Clarke stood back in wonder and stared at the shrub. "Oh my gosh, we did it! Haha!"

Lexa stood there, smiling behind her and looking at the back of her neck with amazement.

"No, Clarke. You did it." She said, softly.

The Sky Princess turned back around and caught Lexa staring at her. She started to blush. She looked down at the floor to try and hide it.

"Well… I couldn't have done it without a great teacher… so…"

Lexa didn't know what to say. She simply nodded her head. She felt so overwhelmed by all of these new emotions that she couldn't even think.

When she didn't receive a reply, Clarke wondered if Lexa was disappointed in her for not being able to shoot by herself.

"I mean, I can get better. I just need some more practice. What's the next lesson?" She said with eager in her voice.

"I think that's all for today. I have other matters to attend to." Lexa had returned to her harsh tone and started practically running back towards camp.

Clarke watched Lexa walk away. She didn't like how it felt. A part of her wanted to follow Lexa and just be in her presence. The other part of her wanted to stay there and practice.

 _If I practice, then the next time I see her I can surprise her. Haha! She'll be so amazed. That is… If I can pull the bow back on my own in under like… five seconds. Good job, Clarke. I wonder if she thinks I'm capable of doing it. I wonder if… if she thinks I'm good enough to be a part of this coalition. God, what if she sees me as this… this… girl who can't even shoot a bow, let alone lead her own people. I wonder if… well… I wonder if she even likes me._

 _Wow. Woowwwww, Clarke. You really are pathetic, wondering if people like you or not. Psh. No. You need to focus on you and nothing but your people…_

 _But does that now include Lexa's people? Because we are allies? Yes. It does. Wait. Doesn't that technically mean that Lexa is my 'people' too? Ugh. As much as I hate to admit… that girl grew on me. She seems to know exactly what she needs to do all the time. Which is why… I need to stay here and train. Won't help anyone by standing here… talking to myself in my head like a crazy person. Ugh. Just shoot, Clarke._


	3. Ch 3: Protection

_**Ch. 3: Protection**_

Clarke continued to shoot arrows for hours, and with every shot she slowly became better. However, every now and then, she would pause and think about her future plans with Lexa and the Coalition. But mostly Lexa. She pictured them fighting side by side, commencing in elegant dances of awesomeness, slashing enemies left and right and obliterating all that dare cross them.

Lexa, however, was not thinking about the same thing back in Polis.

 _Okay… Okay… breathe, Lexa. You were not raised and trained to be a bloodthirsty warrior just to let your emotions to get the best of you. You were TAUGHT to kill. You were TAUGHT to slaughter. And you were TAUGHT to… to… ugh._

 _You were taught… to not love… Because when you are Commander… there is no such thing as… as love. Okay? There is no such thing…_

 _You know, I am probably making this whole thing up. I've only known her for a couple of months and it's strictly for strategic purposes. I cannot let my feelings compromise this mission. You are foolish, Lexa._

 _But… I…. tho-…..those two months have been the best months of my life since Costia._

 _No. NO, Lexa! Do you not remember what happened to Costia! Besides, Clarke is just a friend. Nothi-… nothing more. Why do you even think an amazing, and empowering girl like her would ever even give a heartless woman like me her time. She probably sees me as a monster. A cruel, ruthless being… But she would be right…_

 _I assume that's why I enjoy being around her. She makes me feel human._

Lexa spent the next few hours assessing battle strategies and maps. She had a difficult time trying to keep her eyes on the table and off of the exit of her tent. She wanted to go and see how Clarke was doing. She felt guilty for thinking about the blonde instead of their attack against Mount Weather. Where was she, anyway?

Her fingers started to tap on the wood surface out of nervous habit. She swallowed and looked at the pelt opening once more. Instead of leaving, she shook her head to break free from her train of thought and trailed her finger across the map to remember where she left off. However, she became frustrated when she couldn't remember. Rage filled her cheeks until they were boiling over with heat. _Where the hell was I… Okay, so if the bunker is about twenty miles away from Mount Weather, we can always… we can alwayyysss…_

It was then that Lexa realized, she hadn't even begun looking at the map at all.

She clenched her teeth in resentment. She couldn't believe she had just wasted all that time thinking about something else… or, someone else.

She became so infuriated, that she withdrew her knife, let out a war cry, and plunged it straight into the core of the table. She let her face fall into her hands and leaned against her chair.

" _Heda! Laik yu hirt?"_ A guard came barging in with a spear in his hands and stared at Lexa.

" _No, Briku. Bak op. Ai laik fine."_ Lexa responded calmly and pulled herself together as the guard nodded his head and preceded to leave the tent.

She couldn't believe she had allowed these thoughts to consume her life. It was not like her at all. She wondered how Clarke did that…

She stared at the exit once more. She took a deep breath and grabbed her gear to head out. What would she say?

' _Clarke, I believe our strengths would fortify if we stick together… as in…_ _ **Together.**_ _' No, that sentence is illogical. We are already fighting together. I don't want to confuse her… perhaps if I ask her to be a part of my council then maybe she will get the idea. But that is impossible unless I make Skaikru the thirteenth clan, however it is extremely unlikely that Titus will ever let that happen._

 _Listen to yourself, Lexa. Clarke can barely shoot a bow and you are willing to make her a council member? People would die for that position. She does have determination, though… I'll give her that._

Lexa traversed through the forest to reach Clarke. With each step she took, she became more and more excited about seeing her. But… she also became more frightened.

Meanwhile, Clarke had been practicing so much that her fingers were swelling from the constant pressure of pulling back the bow string and her legs were quivering with weakness. However, it did not seem to bother her. Every time she hit her target, she smiled and thought about Lexa's face when she showed her her new-found skills.

She was well into her fourth hour of practicing when she heard a twig snap not far behind her.

The air became still.

She froze in place, and then slowly lowered her bow. She waited a couple of minutes and then shrugged after realizing that she was most likely just hearing things.

Until all of a sudden she heard another crunch right behind her. She slowed down her breathing and remembered what Lexa had taught her.

 _Listen._

She trusted her gut. She knew something was waiting to attack…

She was ready.

Without turning her head, she used the slightest movements to reach for her pistol in its holder (she wasn't going to take the chance with the bow). She listened for any sound of movement so she would know where the threat was coming from.

 _Snap._

The time was right. She felt her hair stand up on the back of her neck. She could tell that whatever it was was not friendly. She spun around and instantly fired her gun. It shot through a tree. A large yell erupted from behind the trunk and a grounder came sprinting out towards Clarke.

 _It was Quint…_

The grounder she had pissed off from before. He looked ferocious with an axe in hand and blood on his lip.

Before Clarke could fire another bullet, he swung at her with all his force as she quickly dodged to the left. She fell on the floor. She looked up in shear terror and had to think quickly. He slammed the hunk of metal on the floor in hopes of hitting her head. She rolled to the left.

 _Slam!_

Miss. She rolled to the right.

 _Slam!_

Miss, again. Her breathing was heavy and fast paced. Fear consumed her eyes.

She sprung up from the floor and pistol whipped him in the face. He tumbled backwards and dropped his axe.

"Agh! You're dead!"

He charged towards the blonde and used all his weight to throw her onto the dirt floor. She screamed as her back slammed against the hard ground. He wrapped his hands tightly around her throat and became tighter with his grip as he saw her struggle.

Clarke thought this was it. She clawed and punched as hard as she could, but nothing was working. He was too strong. Her face slowly started turning blue as she gasped for a breath of air.

He spat in her face as he spoke. "I warned you what would happen if you strayed from your beloved Commander. This is for my brother…"

And just before Clarke's eyes started closing, an arrow came flying through the air and into the grounder's leg, forcing him to release his victim.

He let out a large cry and grabbed his calf. Blood poured onto Clarke's clothes and she sucked in as much air as she could. She quickly moved away from the fight and caught her breath.

Everything was hazy. Her head felt light and there was a loud ringing in her ears as she looked around for the source of the arrow. She then saw a dark silhouette of a person in the distance.

 _It was Lexa._

She let out a deep sigh and collapsed in relief. Clarke had never felt happier to see anyone in her entire life.


	4. Ch 4: Pauna

_**Ch. 4: Pauna**_

The Commander ran over and helped pick Clarke up off the ground. She wanted to hug her and check every inch of her to make sure that she was unharmed. However, she did not want to look weak in front of one of her men… even if she was enraged at him. Instead, she looked her in the eyes to give her a concerning signal. Clarke picked up on Lexa's question and nodded.

"I'm fine. Your timing is amazing… thank you."

Lexa gave her a weak smile and then turned to the man in pain on the ground. She unsheathed her glistening sword from her back and then handed it to the girl standing across from her.

"It's your kill, Clarke."

Clarke froze.

She hesitantly took the sword and then stared at Quint. She stood tall and was determined to get revenge for what he had just put her through.

Lexa didn't realize how much she had always appreciated that drive inside Clarke. The same burning sensation she always felt herself when she longed to inflict justice.

Clarke stared at Lexa with a confused look. She was fighting an internal battle. She knew that she was expected to assassinate this infuriated, brutal warrior who stood before her, and who also, not too long ago, wrapped his hands around her with every intention to kill. Why shouldn't she carry out the deed? She had every right. But instead… Clarke froze right in front of him. She paused for about thirty seconds… and then proceeded to lower the sword…

Somehow, someway, she was able to look past his war paint and battle scars, and only saw the frightened, child-like horror behind his light blue eyes. Lexa also loved THIS side of Clarke. This, sensitive, caring, and understanding side. However, she wished she was capable of expressing these emotions as easily as Clarke.

"I can't." Clarke said defeatedly.

Lexa stared at her with a blank expression. A part of her was happy that Clarke didn't kill the grounder, mostly because it revealed her soft side. But a part of her was also worried because she knew that she would have to kill the betrayer herself, and she did not want Clarke to see that side of her anymore.

She placed her hand on her katana, raised it in the air, until all of a sudden a

 _Loud_

 _Mighty_

 _Roar_ erupted from the forest and interrupted the execution. Everyone froze. Clarke held her breath.

 _Great… what now…?_

Clarke thought.

Lexa's eyes paced back in forth in a frantic motion as they scanned the surrounding areas for the source of the sound. The air was completely still.

"What the hell was that…?" Clarke asked in a frightened voice.

Lexa knew exactly what it was. Her eyes grew wider with fear as she saw trees in the distance begin to part ways.

The Commander paused…and said in a low tone…

" _ **Pauna**_ …"

"Wha-?"

"RUN!"

Before the blonde could even ask what that was, Lexa had grabbed her hand and pulled in her front of her.

Meanwhile, something was clearly approaching them through the dense brush of the forest at a rapid pace.

Lexa needed to think quickly. She looked at the frozen grounder on the floor, and then in one swift motion, unleashed her weapon and sliced his legs in hopes of stalling the beast to buy them time. He winced in pain, but before Clarke could even think twice about possibly even helping him, she was being pulled in and out of trees and guided towards what appeared to be a large formation of rocks. She knew Lexa would do everything in her power to get them both to safety, but what she didn't know… was what was chasing her. However, she knew she needed to be scared when she saw the look of horror on the fearless Commander's face after hearing the monster's chilling roar.

That should have been enough reassurance that whatever was behind them was obviously bad, but she wanted to look for herself.

She quickly rotated her head behind her in the midst of sprinting through the woods, and then dropped her jaw in disbelief after seeing the beast right on their tales. She thought she was hallucinating at first glance.

 _It was a large, black Gorilla that had a small gash across the top of its left eye._

She thought to herself that this probably wasn't Lexa's first encounter with the creature, but her usually sturdy sword looks as if it only nicked the skin on the animal's forehead.

She had never seen a creature like this before. Of course, she had seen indescribable things such as the two headed deer when she and the rest of the gang first landed on Earth, but nothing as frightening, and big as this.

"Lexa! What do we do!?"

"Keep going. Don't look back!"

The two leaders ran through the canopy. Sweating. Panting. Weaving in and out of trees and foliage. They were running so fast that neither of the girls realized that they had obtained a significant amount of cuts and bruises from the surrounding environment. They finally approached the formation of rocks. Clarke didn't know what to do. All she could think about were her and Lexa's safety. She had forgotten about the grounder whose leg the merciless Commander had previously slashed. She didn't think twice before grabbing Lexa's hand and as quickly as possible swung her over the rubble until they fell down to the center of the bedrock area.

When Clarke regained her footing, she realized that she was not just standing on top of gravel, but also a prodigious rib cage of a decaying animal.

"What is this place…?" She said, coughing at the foul smell.

"Her feeding ground." Said Lexa, under her breath.

"Great. Lovely."

"We need to head North. If we hurry, we will reach Polis in half an hour."

All of a sudden, Pauna sprung from the forest again and this time went straight towards the pit.

Clarke and Lexa both jumped from the surprise, and without hesitation, traversed up the steep rubble to the top of a cliff.

Clarke began pulling the commander closer towards her as the beast quickly gained on them.

"Hurry!"

At this point, the monster was so close, all it had to do was reach out its finger and grab Lexa.

Clarke would not let this happen.

In the midst of leaping from rock to rock, she began to devise a plan. It wasn't a very good one, but it was all she could think of in the heat of the moment. She would launch Lexa forward, and then try and fight off the creature herself. It was too fast. There was no way they could outrun it so this was their only shot. She waited till the moment was right, and then placed her hand on The Commander's back. She was about to push the brunette in front of her, when all of a sudden, the girl's cape became stuck in a crevasse.

"Shit! Lexa!"

Without even a second to think, Pauna reached out its giant hand and latched on to Lexa's legs with all its force.

"AH!" Lexa screamed and winced in pain.

Clarke grabbed her hands and pulled in the opposite direction, hoping to release the girl from its grasp.

"Leave me!" Cried The Commander, in hopes of convincing Clarke to save herself.

The blonde was appalled at the thought of even abandoning the leader. No way. Who did Lexa think she was? Besides, Lexa was her only shot at maintaining peace between the grounders and her people. She couldn't have her dead, God forbid someone who hated Skaikru became Heda. But this was not the only reason she wanted her alive. Clarke didn't know what it was, but…. it was burning deep down inside her heart. This… feeling. This feeling she's seemed to have for a very long time.

Clarke refocused her thoughts on freeing Lexa.

"No way! I'm not leaving you!"

She then used one hand to reach for her gun, the other still holding on to Lexa, and aimed at the gorilla.

Without hesitation, the blonde fired several shots into its head, one round right after the other. However, she knew it wasn't enough. She wasn't planning on killing the beast. She just needed to buy them enough time to escape.

Pauna hurled herself backwards, down the rocky path, and back into the pit. The dust eventually cleared, and both examined the lifeless body.

"Wow. I didn't think that would work…"

"You should have left me," said Lexa, out of breath.

"You're welcome…"

The girls exchanged a quick smile, and caught their breath.

Clarke glanced down at the floor and blushed. After a brief pause, she cleared her throat. "We should probably get…"

Before she could even finish her sentence, the gorilla slowly lifted its body up and released another mighty roar.

She was alive. But this time...

 _This time, she was_ _ **furious**_ _._

They looked at each other with fear in their eyes. Both most likely seeking comfort from the other. Clarke grabbed Lexa's arm again and helped her regain her footing.

"GO!"

The girls bolted up the side of the mountain and ran for the top. As they were running, Lexa felt giddy inside. She was surprised the girl she felt feelings for dedicated a moment of her time to save her.

 _Who am I trying to fool. Clarke is a hero anyway. It's possible that she just saved me because that is the kind of person she is? Maybe it had nothing to do with feelings. Gah. Why am I even wasting my own time thinking about the possibility of love. Like I said before… I can't love. A Commander must only care about her people. And that's it._

 _Love is weakness._

But she couldn't stop thinking about how her and Clarke could rule the world side by side. Clarke and Lexa, together, she thought. _Unstoppable._ She loved the way their names sounded together.

 _Clarke and Lexa…_

 _Clarke and_ Lexaaaa…

 _Clarke and_ LEXA _…_

 _Clarke and….._

"LEXA! LEXA! Dammit. DO YOU HEAR ME!?"

It took Lexa a while to recover from her thoughts only to realize she was still running from a bloodthirsty gorilla and that Clarke was trying to gain her attention.

"What? Oh… I…. What?"

"Are you okay?! Do your legs hurt?" Clarke asked, as she frantically looked back at the beast who was slowly but surely working its way up the mountainside.

"No… I… I…I'm fine." Lexa looked around at her surroundings. Avoiding eye contact with the blonde, as she knew she would most likely blush if she looked into her light green eyes.

"Good, because we need to jump."

The Commander snapped back to reality after hearing this ridiculous idea, only to realize that they were standing at the edge of a cliff.

"What!? Are you insane!? That is most likely a ten foot drop, Clarke." Said Lexa, in an annoying tone.

Instead of being upset at Lexa's rhetorical question, Clarke grabbed her hand and looked her in the eyes. They were now only a few inches apart from each other. "Do you trust me?"

Uh oh, Lexa thought. Here we go. That look. She was sure she was blushing now. It made her stomach turn into butterflies. When Clarke looked at her this way, she felt safe and warm. She felt happy….

She looked deep into her eyes for some sort of comfort. When she found it, she swallowed and finally replied. "Yes."

"Then we have to jump. Ready?"

Lexa nodded her head.

"Go!"


	5. Ch 5: I'd Carry You Forever

_**Ch. 5: I'd Carry You Forever**_

Clarke jumped first and landed on a patch of grass. She quickly recovered but noticed that the brunette had remained at the top. She looked concerned. She had never seen Lexa look this scared all in one day. It made her wonder if The Commander had this whole side to her that she let only few see. She felt lucky to be a part of that group.

While Clarke was having this train of thought, Lexa looked down below at the blonde's hair shining in the sun. She loved her beautiful hair. She slowly felt herself become more relaxed. _Clarke…_ She thought to herself. _All you have to do is jump… and you can be with Clarke… Come on, Lexa, you can do this. You have fought in hundreds of battles. All. You have. To do. Is…._

"JUMP!" Yelled Clarke, as Pauna was reaching for the brunette.

Lexa realized the threat was right behind her and obeyed Clarke's orders. She leaped from the cliff before the beast could grab her and landed on her right side.

 _THUMP!_

"AH! OW!"

Clarke rushed to her side and tried to help Lexa up.

"NO! WAIT! I think it's broken!"

The other girl observed her arm and tried to remain delicate when examining it.

"I can't just leave you here. Look, camp isn't far. I'll help you walk over and then get the healers to fix you up, okay…..?"

"Lexa?"

Before Clarke received an answer, Lexa had already passed out from the pain.

 _Shit._

 _Shit, shit, shit. What do I do?_

She looked around, waiting for an idea to hit her. Pauna was pacing back and forth on the cliff, waiting for her food to return, so Clarke knew that going back to grab her horse wasn't an option. She would have to carry her. There was no way she was leaving her there.

Clarke quickly removed the heavy articles of clothing and accessories Lexa had on her person so that she could carry her more easily.

She struggled to get her over her back but eventually succeeded after multiple attempts. Clarke stood up straight and slowly started walking back to Polis.

The Sky Princess couldn't help but realize how vulnerable The Commander looked, stripped down to only her undershirt and pants, with blood dripping down the side of her right arm. It pained Clarke to see her this way. She looked so different from her typical get-up. She looked like a normal human being. Not Heda, the fearless leader who destroys anyone who crosses her. But as Lexa. The beautiful, strong girl she couldn't help but be attracted to.

Clarke gasped at these new thoughts. Had she felt like this all along? Why hadn't she thought about this before? Did Lexa feel the same way? Probably not. When did she start liking her? Or… did she _like_ her… or…. _love_ her…No. _Stop doing this to yourself, Clarke. You are only wishing for heartbreak if you do this_. But she looked at Lexa's face drooped over her shoulder. She looked so beautiful. She slowly took her hand and brushed the brown hair away from her face, and placed a small, gentle kiss on her cheek. _Please be okay…._

She stopped herself from torturing her mind with these thoughts and questions. Instead, she focused on getting to camp and not passing out herself on the way there. The sun was beating down on her forehead. Her neck was covered in sweat and her hair kept on falling in front of her face. Oh, how she hated her long, blonde hair. Lexa became heavier with each step. She reached up and felt her forehead. She was boiling up. If she didn't get her help soon she could possibly never wake up. Clarke shuddered at the mere thought of loosing Lexa.

The blonde walked for about another half hour until she felt her feet shake beneath her. As much as she hated it, she knew that if she were to keep going without rest she would pass out as well. She slowly placed Lexa off her shoulder's and laid her underneath a tree for shade.

Clarke was out of breath. "I'm… I'm sorry, Lexa. I thought I was stronger."

She then laid down next to her and grabbed her hand.

" _You made me stronger…"_

 _I just need to rest for a little. It's so hot._

All she wanted to do was just close her eyes for a little. She felt at peace, lying next to Lexa. She slowly watched the sun set through the slits of her closing-eyelids. But, just when Clarke felt herself falling asleep, she saw what appeared to be a blacksmith's hut emitting smoke out of a chimney from far away.

 _What…? We're close. Thank God,_ she thought.

She used all her strength to lift herself back up. She let out a large huff, stared at Lexa's beaten face, and then forced her back over her shoulders. She picked up her pace and used all the power left inside her to run towards Polis.

"It's going to be okay, Lexa. We're almost there… I got you…" Clarke whispered into her ear.

The blonde finally arrived at the camp with the brunette on her back. She immediately called out for help. She was _NOT_ going to leave Lexa's side. She couldn't.

"Help! Please, someone! The Commander's been hurt!"

Clarke realized that it probably took them a minute to recognize that it was their leader slumped over her back, looking weak and helpless, due to the fact that no one jumped to their feet upon their arrival. The grounders didn't need to understand English to eventually figure out what was going on. Five muscular warriors rushed over to their Heda and took her from Clarke's arms.

"What happened!?" Asked an angry grounder who had obviously had his fair share of fights based off the numerous scars and bruises all over his face. He looked _VERY_ intimidating.

Clarke struggled to get a sentence out. She felt so exhausted.

"I… we were… running from… and she jumped off a cliff and…."

"Ugh. I don't have time for your blabbering. Bring her to Ochrio!" Yelled the grounder to the side, as the other warriors carried her to the healer.

Clarke watched the woman she cared about be taken away into a tent. She watched until she could no longer see her anymore.

"I need to go with. Please, I need to see if I can help her."

"You've done enough."

The warrior scoffed and left the blonde alone in the middle of the street.

Clarke thought this was unacceptable. She ran up to another guard standing in front of the healer's tent.

"I need to get in there."

He responded with a deep, menacing voice. "No entry. The Commander is in critical condition."

"I know that… Just, let me see her." Clarke pleaded, and took a step forward.

The guard moved in front of her.

"I have strict orders not to let anyone in."

"I was with her when she was injured, maybe I can help." Tears were starting swell in her eyes.

"I said, 'No…'" The guard put his hand on his knife.

In one final attempt, Clarke released all of her emotions that she had kept inside for so long.

"Please….

She's the only thing I have."

She was surprised those words escaped her tongue. What was she thinking? Lexa wasn't the only thing she had? She had her Mom, Octavia, Raven, Bellamy… No… Wait. She was wrong. Yes, she has all of those amazing people, and yes she loves all of them, but… when she is with Lexa, she feels a different kind of love. Every minute she has spent with Lexa from going over war plans, to hunting food, she has felt at home. Lexa has always believed in her, vouched for her, and has always taken care of her. She reminisced about that time when Lexa was teaching her how to wield a sword and she accidentally ended up cutting herself. Haha. Clarke actually thought it was pretty funny how clumsy she was, but Lexa seemed a little more worried and tended to her wound right away. Had Lexa cared about her before? I mean, of course she wanted to keep her alive for the coalition, but did she _really_ care…

Why hadn't she realized this before?! She needed to tell all of this to Lexa. _Her Lexa._ Maybe she didn't feel the same way, but she had to try. She was tired of keeping all of these feelings bottled up inside… feelings… she didn't even know she had until now… until… seeing someone she really cares about in pain.

"Please…."

For some reason, the guard appeared to take pity on Clarke, and diminished his threatening demeanor.

*Sigh* "Look, I can't let you in right now, she's in surgery." He said, in a low whisper.

"What!? Surgery?!"

"BUT… afterwards, she will be taken back to her chambers. I will let you know when she is awake. Now leave."

"Thank you…"

She was surprised the tall warrior offered her that kind proposal.

She decided to wait outside Lexa's tent until she received news that she was back in her room.

Hours went by. She kept on thinking about how her reunion would go with Lexa. She thought about all of the things she would say about her feelings and how she can't stop thinking about her. But then, she froze. She began to wonder if that would be a bad idea. What if Lexa felt completely opposite? She didn't want to ruin their relationship.

It was final. She would just talk to her about her health, and then see where the conversation went from there. To be honest, all she really cared about was Lexa's wellbeing.

However, time passed and the sky slowly turned to black. She told herself she wasn't going to fall asleep, however, she felt her eyelids slowly pull together. She had after all, carried a Commander on her back for quite some distance through the thick forest in the beating sun. _Fine. Just for a little, Clarke. You won't be any help to Lexa if you're tired._ And with that, Clarke drifted into a deep sleep….


	6. Ch 6: The Reality of Dreams

_**Ch. 6: The Reality of Dreams**_

" _Run!"_

 _The girls were running frantically through a foggy forest when all of a sudden a thunderous roar erupted from behind them. The Beast was not too far back. Slobbering with every step, and crushing the rocks beneath its hands at every turn. It was picking up its pace._

 _Clarke realized this and instantly pushed Lexa in front of her, but before she could even ask Clarke what she was doing, Lexa's cape became stuck inside a crevasse._

" _Shit! Lexa!"_

 _Without even a second to think, Pauna reached out its giant hand and latched on to Lexa's legs with all its force._

" _AH!"_

 _Clarke grabbed her hands and pulled in the opposite direction, hoping to release the girl from its grasp._

" _Leave me!"_

" _No way! I'm not leaving you! I would never leave you… I love you…"_

 _The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever._

" _But you shouldn't…"_

 _And with those final words, Lexa was pulled away by the monster, no matter how hard Clarke tried to hold on._

" _NO! LEXA!"_

 _She looked through the cloud of dust for any sign of her._

 _Clarke ran down to the pit, pulled out her gun and shot the gorilla multiple times in the head, resulting in its death. She then pulled it off of Lexa's body, fell on her knees, and wept._

" _Lexa…? Please… You can't leave me… you have to wake up. Wake up! Wake up!"_

"Hey? Do you hear me, girl? I said, 'Wake up.' "

"No! What!? Lexa…? Is she…? Clarke woke up frantically, sweating and hyperventilating. It was then that she realized she was only dreaming.

"She has been returned to her chambers. Now, do you want to see her, or not?" The guard did not look concerned.

"Yes, please." Clarke caught her breath and wiped the sweat off of her forehead.

She followed the man to the top of the main tower.

On the way up, she worried about the dream… or… nightmare and wondered if it was just a result of a long day, or if it was an ominous message. Maybe, her and Lexa being together would really just harm the welfare of the clans or even worse, each other… _Stop it, Clarke. You are so selfish for thinking about your relationship. Just focus on her. I hope she feels better. I hope her arm is okay. I hope she is happy to see me…_

"Now, remember: She's not as strong as she was. She's been through a lot and is very weak. In other words, if I hear or see any foul play, I will make sure you die the most painful death possible. Understand?"

Clarke didn't care about his threat. She didn't even look at him. She just nodded her head, and slowly opened the door.


	7. Ch 7: I Can't

_**Ch. 7: I Can't**_

 _ **(Warning: Smut)**_

 _Click_

Clarke opened the door, ever so slightly. She peered around the corner, and saw Lexa laying there in bed. She slowly crept in and quietly shut the door behind her. She then walked to the side of her bed.

"Hey there, trooper. How are y-"

She quickly stopped talking once she realized Lexa was fast asleep.

 _Poor thing…_

She stared at the brunette for a good minute. She watched her chest rise and fall and listened to her long breaths. She looked beautiful. Clarke never wanted to stop looking at her, so instead she decided to draw a portrait to preserve her alluring face. After hesitating for a moment, Clarke slowly walked over to the couch across the room, grabbed a pen and pad, and gently perched herself in a the perfect position to begin her piece. She couldn't help it. She felt a little creepy, drawing Lexa like this without her consent. But… she looked so beautiful and at peace that she _had_ to find some way to remember it.

She began to sketch the outsides of her face. She never noticed how photogenic Lexa could be. She giggled to herself, and then continued to outline the rest of her body with grace as if she was carving the most magnificent statue anyone had ever seen.

About half an hour had passed and rain steadily began to fall down the sides of the tower. Clarke had always found rain to be comforting but at the same time impressive since she had never experienced it on the Ark, and as a result, dozed off into a quiet slumber from its satisfying sounds. Within the same hour, the rain eventually evolved into a full out storm. Suddenly, a loud boom of thunder erupted throughout the entirety of Polis. This noise failed to wake the blonde, but succeeded in awakening the brunette. She sprung out of bed and pulled a knife out from under her pillow (she was always ready for anything). She winced at the pain from flinging her arm too quickly. As much as Lexa hated to admit it, she was not in her best physical state.

She looked down at the floor in shame after realizing she overreacted to something as simple as a storm. When she looked back up, she noticed a peculiar lump, curled up into a ball on her couch. She walked a little bit closer to get a better view, and then realized that it was Clarke.

She smiled to herself.

 _How did she get in here? Has she been here the whole night? Was she waiting for… me? No. She was probably just waiting till I woke up to talk to me about war plans or something along those lines. Don't be foolish, Lexa._

But Lexa couldn't take her eyes off the blonde. She looked so peaceful. She also looked very cute bundled up like that. But she also looked cold. Lexa frowned. She reached for a blanket and carefully placed it over Clarke. She slowly began to wrap the end of the blanket around her feet when all of a sudden a pad of paper fell off the couch and onto the floor.

She picked it up, observed its cover and then opened to the front page. She then realized that these were probably Clarke's drawings and that it would be wrong to flip through them, but she couldn't help herself. All of the pages mostly consisted of beautiful flowers, mountains and rivers…

Until she reached the most recent page.

There, lightly drawn in blue pencil, was a picture of herself. Lexa gasped. She had never seen anything so beautiful. She wasn't talking about herself, but instead about Clarke's amazing artistic skills. She glanced down at Clarke and began to blush. Now, why would Clarke draw _her_ , of all people? I mean, most of the time, she was covered in blood and war paint. To be completely honest, she felt so honored to be drawn in one of Clarke's sketch pads, a place that captures things that she considers visually stunning. Lexa couldn't help but let a tear fall. She was in complete disbelief.

"Oh my god…" Lexa said in a soft whisper as she traced her finger on the edges of the page.

However, Lexa wasn't as quiet as she thought she was.

"Lexa? Sorry I fell asleep."

Clarke quickly sat up straight and wiped the sleep from her eyes. She looked down at the blanket that was on top of her. While all of this was happening, Lexa turned her face to the side, wiped her tear, and then hid the drawing pad behind her back.

"Did you give me this blanket?"

"Ye… Yes… uh. Don't thank me. You would've done the same."

"Thanks… how are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Glad to hear."

For a split second, the girls looked each other straight in the eye.

 _Boom!_

But the moment was cut short when another crack of lightning filled the sky.

Clarke caught herself smiling and looked down towards the floor boards. After a couple of seconds, wondering what they should say to each other, Clarke scanned the room looking for something to talk about, only to discover that Lexa had some sort of book that looked extremely familiar behind her back.

"Hey, wait… is that my journal?"

"Oh, yes. I picked it up for you just now. Here." Lexa tried to hide her lies and handed the journal back to Clarke.

"Thanks, again."

The two stared at each other and filled the room with an awkward silence for about thirty seconds.

"Clarke, I-."

"Listen, Lexa-."

They had both taken a step forward.

They accidentally spoke at the same time and waited for a signal from the other as to who was going to start first. The air was still. Clarke nodded her head.

"Well, Clarke, I just wanted to say… I… uh… I…"

Another step forward.

"It's fine. Really. No 'thank you' necessary. All I cared about was getting you out of there."

She smiled at Lexa.

Uh oh. Here. We go. Again. At this point, both girls were within inches of each other. She could feel her breath and hear every inhale and exhale. She looked deep into her eyes and felt a magnetic pull. All she wanted to do was lean just a little bit closer. Lexa would not let this happen. She was stronger than that. That damn smile, though. She felt her legs become weak and her body ache. She didn't know how, but for some reason, Clarke had this magic spell that she enacted every time she was around Lexa. And the worst part is; it worked. She looked down at Clarke's lips, and quickly darted her eyes back up to match hers.

Clarke slowly began to lean in.

 _Oh my… is this really happening? What do I do. I know what I WANT to do, but… but… I can't._ _ **Im so scared**_ _._

 _What do I say. I don't want to loose her. But… that's the only way I know I can keep her safe…_

 _I am Heda._

 _Love… is weakness…_

"Um… I wasn't going to thank you…." Lexa said in a harsh tone and turned her head to the side, away from the kiss. She swallowed. Clarke opened her eyes only to find an imaginary wall between her and Lexa.

"Wait… what?" Clarke snapped out of her trance.

"I saved your life. I mean, I know it's not customary for you grounders to be polite or anything but I just thought-."

"Well, you thought wrong." Her tone grew angrier with each word.

Clarke squinted in disbelief. What happened to the awkward, cute, warrior she was just talking to a few minutes ago?

 _Maybe I scared her by going in for a kiss? Did she notice? God, I must've looked so stupid. Maybe… Lexa doesn't like me at all… and that was her trying to get her message across…_

"Woah… what happened? Did I say something to make you angry? Or did I do something wrong?" Clarke backed up a few inches.

"Yes… you did something wrong." As much as Lexa hated it, her plan was working. She was trying so hard to fight back her tears.

Clarke lost it.

*Scoff* "Well, please _inform_ me on where I went wrong when I SAVED YOUR LIFE AND CARRIED YOU ON MY BACK FOR MILES?!"

"You don't get it, do you Clarke? That's where you went wrong. _You saved me._ "

Lexa couldn't look Clarke in the eye. She turned around with her back facing her and started slowly walking away. She didn't want to her to see her cry.

"Oh, so… so what? You didn't want to be saved, or something? Is that it!?" Clarke followed right behind her.

"I told you from the get-go, 'Leave me.' "

"You know, Lexa, have you maybe thought for just _once_ , what effect your death might have on other people?"

"Of course I have! Why do you think I told you to leave in the first place?! If _both_ of us were to die then who would lead our people? They would be helpless. At least if I were the only one to die, then my spirit could choose the next Heda, and my kingdom would move on. Yours, however, would fall to ASHES because your people can't seem to figure out who is in charge!"

"You cannot go running around deciding whose life is more valuable than the others! Even if it's your own! Do you understand me!? Lexa! Look at me!"

"I will not look into the eyes of someone who cannot see their wrong doing. Admit it. What you did, was _foolish_!"

"No… no. You are wrong." Her voice began to crack.

"You were foolish for thinking that you could save me. You were foolish for making that long journey all the way over here to heal me. And you were foolish to risk your life for me!"

"You know what!? I think this is about something completely different than what we are talking about… and I think you are avoiding it cause you feel it too."

Lexa felt a large lump in her throat and stopped moving away.

"I have no idea what you are talking about…."

"Yes, Lexa. You do…."

"This is different from whatever you are thinking about… you are just trying to avoid the topic."

At this point, Clarke had full-blown tears running down her cheeks. She then lowered her voice into a shaking whisper.

"I think you know… _damn well_ … that I am not. Lexa, please… Look at me…"

Lexa began muttering under her breath at this point, trying to block out everything Clarke was saying to avoid letting her feelings surface.

"It was foolish… so foolish…"

Clarke was reaching rock bottom. At this point, she felt like pleading. She just wanted to see her face… to see what she was feeling…

"Lexa… what do I have to say to make you look at me?"

The brunette was trying to cover the sounds of her sniffles, still with her back turned.

"Pro-…promise me… that you won't ever risk your life like that for me… ever again… okay? It was a stupid mistake. Do you promise me!?" She crossed her arms and looked down at the floor.

The blonde froze. _That's what this was all about._ Lexa cared about her. A lot. She stared at the back of Lexa's neck. Her breathing had slowed down. She was waiting for a response. She wanted to give her one. She wanted to say, 'Okay, I promise, just let me look at you'… but… she knew that was a lie. She couldn't give her that promise. She _Loved Her._

Clarke had had enough of this bullshit. She was tired of tiptoeing around how she really felt. Lexa deserved to know… because she knows that she is hurting too…

"Do you promise me, Clarke?" At this point, Lexa was sobbing. She would not look Clarke in the eyes. Not like this. Weak and emotional. She needed to make sure that Clarke would never do anything stupid ever again to save her. She wouldn't know what to do if something happened because of her.

"Lexa…"

No response. She would not respond until she heard the words, "I promise."

"Lexa…"

Silence.

"Lexa, listen to me…."

Clarke was raising her voice.

"LEXA!"

The brunette snapped back.

"WHAT!?"

And as soon as Lexa burst into a rage, Clarke grabbed her hand, spun her around, wrapped her hands around her waist and kissed her. Lexa's eyes quickly opened in surprise, but then slowly closed back shut. It was a deep, and meaningful kiss.

Everything that the two ever felt for each other spilled out. Lexa gave up. She relaxed all of her muscles, leaned into the kiss, and let out a small moan. Clarke had torn down every wall she had ever built. And she liked it. She pulled Clarke tight and whimpered softly.

By the time they both pulled away, they were out of breath. Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes.

She leaned in for another kiss and wrapped her arms around Clarke's neck. She pressed her mouth up against the blonde's and tugged on her bottom lip until Clarke let her tongue slip in. She thrusted herself into her and then grabbed a handful of her shirt to bring her closer. Their kiss felt like fire. Burning from each edge and boiling over with want and need.

Both were crying and felt exhausted. Exhausted from running, from fighting, and mostly from their emotions. When they finally broke apart again, Clarke left a little peck on her lip, almost like she was delicately leaving her mark, stating that Lexa was hers. They rested their heads together and talked in a low whisper, faces centimeters away from each other, trying to catch their breath.

Lexa swallowed and looked up at Clarke. "I've wanted to tell you how I've felt for so long…".

"Why didn't you, then?"

"I didn't know if you felt the same way…" she said, quietly.

"But I do. I really. Do. Lexa… I want to be with you…" Clarke kept her eyes shut and slowly stroked the other girls face.

Lexa let a surprised laugh escape her tears. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She moved Clarke's hands from her face and pulled her in for an embracing hug.

Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes, searching for the right thing to say. She started moving away and looked out the window.

"I was taught that 'love is weakness.' But after I learned about everything you did for me, I realized that it is not weakness…"

She turned around and looked back at Clarke with tears filling up again in her eyes.

"Clarke, you give me strength."

The blonde let out a shivering gasp. Lexa walked over and cupped her hands around her face.

"Which is why… I need you too _promise_ me… that you will never try to save me again. Because… I'd die without my strength…" A single tear escaped her eye.

Clarke was constantly weeping. She needed to let her emotions run wild. Instead of giving Lexa what she wanted, she wiped away the brunette's tear and whispered.

"I can't."

She pulled Lexa closer to her and gave her the most meaningful kiss she had in her. Lexa moved her arms back around Clarke's neck and gasped in between breaths. She couldn't believe that the blonde had chosen her. She loved her. She didn't know why she was still crying. She just felt so happy. So at home. So loved.

The brunette planted little kisses up and down the blonde's neck. She loved hearing her little gasps. Clarke wanted more. She weaved her hand around Lexa's hair and guided her up and down from her chin to her chest.

Lexa was hysterical at this point.

"I've wanted to tell you… I…"

"Shhhhh." Clarke calmed her down by kissing her again and again in between sniffles.

She ran her hands up and down Clarke's back, feeling every inch of her that she could. Clarke took her hands away from Lexa's hair and placed them around her face to guide her back up to her mouth. Their kisses became more fast paced, and aggressive. Lexa nipped Clarke's ear and she winced.

"Ah..."

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" Lexa pulled away and looked into her eyes with worry. Clarke giggled softly.

"Haha. Not at all."

She then leaned in towards her ear and whispered. "It was actually kinda hot." Both girls laughed. Clarke looked at her adoringly, brushed a piece of hair out of her face and then started trailing kisses from her ear to her lips.

Lexa was boiling inside. She felt Clarke's love all the way down to her toes. She wanted her. _She needed her._

"Clarke? I… I…" The brunette was panting.

Clarke kissed her cheek one last time, and then slowly wrapped her arms around her waist. She pretended to move slow, but then all of a sudden, took her off guard and slammed her up against the wall with her hands around her breasts.

"Clarke!?"

Lexa loved the surprise. Clarke felt amazing. She didn't think she had it in her. While Lexa was having fun being the center of Clarke's attention, she wanted her to have her fair share of pleasure too. Lexa used one of her old battle tactics and flipped Clarke around to switch places with her.

Clarke landed with her back against the wall and let out a moan. Lexa moved her hands slowly down her body towards her thighs. She planted heated kisses all the way down and when she reached her hips, slowly unbuttoned her pants very carefully.

"Fuck, Lexa. Don't torture me, please."

Lexa smiled and then peeled the pants off a sweaty Clarke. She looked at her soaked underwear. Lexa was happy that Clarke was just as excited as she was. Clarke didn't look at the scenario the same way, though. She felt embarrassed when Lexa saw how wet she was.

The Commander noticed this shameful look. It was the same look she gave Clarke when she found her drawing pad.

"Listen. It's okay. Remember that I need you too."

She passionately gave Clarke a reassuring kiss, and then guided her hand towards the bed. She sat down, looked up and gave the other girl a pleading look.

Clarke let go of everything that was holding her back at this point. She kissed Lexa one last time and then quickly stripped off her jacket and shirt, and then laid down on top of Lexa with her hands framed around her face. Lexa sat back up so that Clarke could unzip her black war jacket and pants.

When both girls were almost completely bare, something released inside of Lexa. It was almost like a primal instinct. She growled and moaned in between kisses.

"Are you ready? I don't want to hurt you?" Lexa wanted to make sure that Clarke really wanted this, one last time.

"You could never hurt me." Clarke wiped the remaining tears off of Lexa's face and and nodded.

That was all Lexa needed. She separated Clarke's legs slowly and then pulled down her underwear. While looking deep into her eyes, Lexa softly slipped a finger inside of Clarke's sex.

"Oh my god…"

Lexa slithered her finger in and out. She was hitting her g-spot perfectly. She gradually picked up her pace, and simultaneously used her thumb to massage her clit. It was perfect. Lexa could feel Clarke's pussy get tighter and tighter around her finger as she went faster and faster. But she wasn't going to let her release yet. Just when she was on the brink of an explosion, Lexa pulled her hand away and started massaging her breasts.

"No! Lexa, please! Finish me!" Clarke tried to grind her cunt on Lexa's knee to receive just a little more pleasure, but Lexa wouldn't let her. She held Clarke's arms down and sucked on her nipples to make them extra hard.

"Lexa! God! I'll do anything! Just, please! Fuck me!"

Clarke couldn't stop moaning after every time Lexa kissed her.

"Anything?" Lexa grinned.

"Ye… yes…"

"Then how about we help each other?"

Lexa threw her own underwear across the room. She pulled Clarke underneath her and pushed their clits together.

"OH FUCK!"

Lexa laid their foreheads together, and looked Clarke in the eyes. She slowly started grinding their hips together. Lexa couldn't believe how amazing Clarke felt.

"Lexa, more."

She also needed more. _Now._ She started riding the blonde frantically. She squeezed her boobs together, and every now and then would stop moving back and forth to grind her hips in a circle.

Clarke started massaging Lexa's clit as they were riding each other to make sure she was up to speed with her incoming climax.

"Gah… Clarke, do-… don't stop."

Lexa slammed their pussies together again, and again, and again until they were both swollen red.

"Lexa… I can't hold on any longer… I'm coming."

"Me too." Lexa was panting and whispering in her ear.

"Don't hold back."

Lexa nodded. Her words were stopped by an influx of pleasure overflowing in her core.

Finally, she slammed their hips together one last time, and held Clarke's waist there as they both came. Their mouths hung open and let out little, short breaths of air. Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes the entire time. She made her feel so happy that she didn't want to look away.

After about thirty seconds of screaming and moaning, they collapsed on the bed next to each other. Panting. Sweating. Eyes still swollen from all of the previous crying. They faced each other and caught their breath. Lexa paused for about ten seconds, and then traced her fingers softly across Clarke's cheeks and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Clarke grabbed her hands and wove their fingers together. She slowly closed her eyes, and then slowly reopened them. Clarke pulled Lexa close to her and rested her head underneath her chin.

"Clarke…?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you…"

Clarke looked up only to realize that Lexa had been staring at her with such bliss. She didn't know what to say. All she did, was kiss her for what seemed like forever.

"You know, next time we do this, we should find an old car and do it in the backseat, like in 'Titanic'." Clarke laughed to herself about the cute joke she just made.

"What's 'Titanic'?"

"Awww, haha! You're cute when you're clueless. We have a lot of catching up to do. I feel like I want to tell you everything…"

"But the only thing I can think of right now, is that I… I love you."

Lexa's eyes widened. She looked down at her and searched her eyes while her mouth slightly hanged open.

"I completely understand if you don't feel the same way, I know I'm probably moving things too fast, but we've spent so much time together and whenever I'm with you, I'm happy, and I ju-."

Lexa caught off her sentence with a full, heartfelt kiss.

She whispered softly so that Clarke knew that the words were meant for her and only her. "I love you too…"

Clarke let out a huge sigh of relief, smiled, and kiss her cheek.

Lexa continued, jokingly, "Even if you can't shoot a bow properly."

Clarke scoffed and lightly slapped the other girl while laughing.

Lexa soon made up for her joke by pulling her in for another kiss, and never letting her go.

The girls fell asleep together in each other's arms and felt extremely happy for the rest of the night.

And for the first time since Clarke had landed on the Earth, she felt truly at home.


	8. Ch 8: The Reality of Nightmares

_**Ch. 8: The Reality of Nightmares**_

The sun began to shine in through the silk curtains in the candlelit bedroom. Birds started singing their morning songs, and a cool breeze escaped through the cracks in the windowsills.

Everything felt perfect.

Clarke slowly opened her eyes and breathed in the fresh morning air. The first thought that came to her mind was Lexa. _Lexa… my God… Lexa._ Where did she begin?! She thought about their amazing night together, even though it didn't start the way she had hoped, it definitely ended better than she had pictured it in her dreams. She loved Lexa. And Lexa loved her. And she needed nothing else.

She was ready to turn over her shoulder to see that beautiful face she had thought about countless times. The one she had drawn in her journal. The one she had she just proclaimed her love for…

 _Okay, Clarke. Ready? Anddd… tur- NO! WAIT! I hope I don't have morning breath… Oh god, what if my hair is a mess… I probably have bags under my eyes. Ugh. Screw it. Just turn._

"Good morni-."

Clarke turned to the spot where Lexa laid.

The problem, however, was that she was not there.

"Lexa?"

Clarke looked around the room, wondering what might have happened to her.

 _Where did that girl go? Oh no… what if she couldn't handle being together? What if I scared her? What if she is being kidnapped or something like that. Wait. Come on, Clarke. Don't be ridiculous. Lexa's too much of a badass for anything like that to happen to her… still… where is she?_

In the middle of Clarke mentally torturing herself, Lexa pushed open her chamber door with her hip whilst holding a clump of arrows and laid them down on the circular table in the middle of the room.

"Oh, there you are." Clarke said, cheerfully, and let out a long sigh.

"Ah. I see you are up. Finally. How are you feeling?" Lexa's voice sounded very cold and stern. She did not look at Clarke at all. She appeared to be fixated on sharpening the tips of the arrowheads she had just brought in.

"Never better, to be honest. How are you?"

"Tired."

"Haha, I bet you are after last night." Clarke giggled to herself and waited for a witty response back.

"Yes. As I'm sure you can imagine, hunting is a very tedious and exhausting job."

"Hunting? Oh… I see your little game, okay… we are talking in code, huh?" She whispered and continued to giggle.

Lexa paused and looked up at Clarke questionably.

"Clarke, I am not sure what you are trying to explain to me."

She put down her sharpening tool and moved over to a faucet where she started preparing a bowl of soup.

"If you don't think hunting is hard work then maybe you should join the hunting party tonight after your ankle heals up." She gave the blonde a long glare and went back to her work.

"Foot? What? What are you talking about? Lexa, is everything alright? If this is about last night, I guess I'm sorry for moving to quickly, or…"

"You should be sorry. You were foolish for running too fast."

"Oh my gosh. Lexa, I thought we talked about this." Clarke hid her face in her hands. She did not want to have this fight again. Not after how well everything went.

"Like I said, I'm not sure what you are talking about. We had no such conversation. You passed out before we could even talk. Remember?" She raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

Looking people in the eye was obviously not Lexa's forte.

"Passed out. What?"

Lexa looked up from her bowl.

"Hmph. You really don't remember do you? Well, the healer did say that you could have some memory issues. What do you remember?"

A wave of fear hit Clarke. She felt paralyzed. Had she really dreamt everything up?

"Uh… I… I can't believe this is happening. Did I get in an accident of some sort?"

"I'll take that as a 'no.' You and I were running away from the beast-."

"Pauna. Yeah, I know." Clarke bit her finger nails in anticipation."

"Good. You remember that much, at least. Anyway, you tried to escape by jumping off a cliff and sprained your ankle badly." Lexa's voice was dry, and dull. She obviously felt no sympathy.

"Oh my god. You're kidding."

"A Commander doesn't have time to 'kid.'"

"So, then explain how I got into your bed?!"

"I had my guards carry you. There wasn't enough room in the infirmary and we couldn't let you stay in a normal tent since the conditions aren't fit for medical situations. Therefore, I told them to bring you here since you are an ambassador and one of my most trusted members. You don't seem to be the brightest, though." She whispered under her breath and poured some spices into the bowl.

"Well, then… where did you sleep?"

"A Commander has many rooms, Clarke."

The blonde felt tears swelling in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she way hearing. No way.

"It was all a dream…?" She said softly with heartbreak in her voice. She stared at the sheets in her lap and felt cold inside.

She had been set back to square one. She never told Lexa she loved her. They never kissed. They never slept together. They never shared their feelings, and worst of all…. Lexa never really loved her…

"Wow, you did fall hard." Lexa said, after looking at her blank expression.

"You have no idea.…" Clarke sat there. Frozen. Tears dripping down her face as she looked off into the distance.

Lexa sighed, rolled her eyes and moved over with the soup to where Clarke was sitting.

"Here. Drink. I'm going to need you strong and ready if you are going to hunt tonight."

Clarke sucked up her tears and turned her head away from the brunette.

"I don't want any soup."

"Trust me. It will make you feel better."

"I said 'no.'"

Lexa let out a deep sigh.

"Fine."

The girls sat there for at least thirty seconds as the room filled with awkward silence.

"You don't have to eat it right now."

"I'll just leave it here…"

Lexa slowly started leaning over Clarke.

"On the side…."

She placed the soup down next to her.

"For you to have… _later._ " She whispered in her ear as she straddled her.

Clarke looked back at Lexa with confusion, who was basically on top of her this point.

Lexa placed a deep kiss and smiled into it as she brushed her hand on the side of Clarke's face.

Clarke relaxed and let out a little moan, but then processed everything that was happening one second later.

"Oh my gosh, you ass!" Clarke pushed the other girl off of her and stood up out of bed.

Lexa was dying of laughter. "I can't believe you actually fell for that." She gave Clarke one of her infamous, rare smiles and kissed her again.

"I can't believe you did that! Who the hell does that! You don't just make love to someone the night before and then the next morning just up and leave to go and plot a made up story!"

"And for some reason, you can't stop loving me." She laughed to herself. "Admit it… it was pretty genius."

"Ugh." She smiled. "Don't ever do that again." She grabbed Lexa by her belt and quickly pulled her into her embrace as she kissed her again and again.

Lexa didn't want to pull away, but she needed to say one more thing.

"Clarke, wait… I didn't just pull this elaborate prank on you only for laughs, which I'll admit is great. But… I did it so I could give myself time to think about how to ask you this question."

She looked down at her feet with embarrassment. Clarke pulled her chin back up.

"Hey, it's okay. You know you can ask or tell me anything."

Lexa gave Clarke a deep stare that gave her goosebumps.

"I feel like I should ask you this properly. I've been reading books about-."

"You read?"

"Yes, I read. Now let me finish. I've been reading books about how your people court one another and-."

"Commander?! Are you asking me out on a date?" Clarke gave her a coy look.

"I… well… sort of. I want to ask you to officially… be my girlfriend."

Clarke tried so hard to hide her excitement.

"Hmmm. I don't know. You did just try and make me think I dreamt our whole relationship."

Lexa looked back down at the floor.

Clarke could see her thoughts pacing back in forth in her head and smiled.

"What do you think?"

Clarke kissed Lexa once more, but this time, neither one pulled away until they ran out of breath.

Then Lexa pulled Clarke into a hug and whispered into her ear.

"Never leave me…"

"I can't."

—=======================+=====================—

Thank you so much for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed it! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS/CRITIQUES! I'M HOPELESS! On a side note, I do not plan on continuing this particular story in any way (unless I wake up with an epiphany of some sort and I need to add on which will probably never happen). I do however, plan on writing more stories in the future. Again, thank you so much, and have a fantastic day!

 **Translations:**

 _Skaikru_ ….Sky Crew

 _Shot op_ … Shut up

 _Osir laik odon talking. Bants me_ ….We are done talking. Leave me.

 _Skai gona_ …..Sky girl

 _Heda! Laik yu hirt?_ …Heda! Are you hurt?

 _No, Briku. Bak op. Ai laik fine._ ….No, Briku. Go back. I am fine.


End file.
